Our feelings are valid, but let’s be positive!
This morning I woke up to my What to Expect app reminding me of the exciting news that I am at the halfway mark! 20 weeks and counting. I scrolled through the email and read some of the conversations happening between all of the other expectant mothers. One really caught my eye. This mother was also due in August and wrote that she felt her pregnancy was being taken away from her. Due to COVID-19 our experience isn’t quite what we would have always imagined, and a lot of the women agreed with her.
I have actually used very similar words to describe how I feel lately: being robbed of my pregnancy experience. My family was supposed to come to visit me. I was supposed to go visit my family. People should be touching my belly so much right now that it annoys me. As an expat, I would normally think about my baby shower just being smaller than normal (since, in Italy, baby showers aren’t a thing) maybe without my family, instead of not having one at all. My baby-moon with my husband should be what makes me smile, not something that worries me. I should be walking down the baby clothes isles at the stores, finally being able to buy something! Maternity group yoga classes, parenting classes, and so on. These are all things that we are “being robbed of.”
This woman on the forum continued, saying that she felt selfish by having these thoughts, knowing that people are suffering right now with other problems. It also made her feel very alone. Husbands can’t quite understand this feeling, because, very similar to planning a wedding, most of them didn’t really dream of these pregnancy celebration things their whole life. When we are crying or upset, it’s because we planned things differently and have no control over the situation. The celebrations; whether it be a stranger complementing that sweet, round belly, or a big party with family and friends; that surround the beautiful gift of becoming mommies aren’t happening for us. She’s not being selfish. These feelings are valid.
With all of this in mind, this quarantine has made our experience unique. We are growing our children during a time that we are continuously being reminded of what really matters; our families, our homes, our health. We are already protecting our babies before they are even born by staying home and enjoying their little kicks. If we stay positive, nothing can rob us of experiencing this pregnancy. It’s important that we stay optimistic and pass these positive vibes to our little sweet potatoes (or however big your baby is right now). We’re lucky to live in a time that no matter how far away, we are all connected.
Remember that it’s ok to worry about yourself right now because your well being is your baby’s well being. Being worried about your own feelings doesn’t mean that you don’t feel for others, or that you are taking all of your other blessings for granted. If you feel lonely during this time, make sure to reach out to me, a close friend, a family member, or even your gynecologist for help. Don’t hold your emotions in because you are scared of sounding selfish, but don’t let them bring you down either. Appreciating yourself and the work that you are doing building that tiny human is the best experience of all, and no one can rob us of that!
We got this, mamas-to-be!
What are your feelings on the subject? What do you appreciate about your unique pregnancy experience?